Stories

My Story

Stories from people about their Christian journey. Take a look through. 

Paul Taylor.
It’s Monday morning, sat in my study, alone in the house, my world collapses around me, and I am huddled in the corner, not knowing what is happening to me. A wave of fear wrapping itself around me and I cannot see how I can escape. Fast forward a couple of years, having come through a very bad bout of stress and depression, I am now in a new job, new home and all is well or so I think. I have spent an overnight stay in hospital following a migraine, as Jo my wife drives us home, I feel this overwhelming urge to cry building up in me. By the time we reach home, panic has set in to such an extent that I am unable to get out of the car, and frightened to go into our home. She has to drive me to a friend’s house.

I did not realise that I was about to suffer from depression again.

1 in 4 people will experience some kind of mental health problem in the course of a year [The Office for National Statistics Psychiatric Morbidity report (2001)]

Nor did I realise that I was to be part of the above statistic. I was to experience the frustration of accessing support for those suffering with mental illness. Waiting around in A&E for hours for the on call psychiatrist, feeling guilty that you are wasting their time. Then there is the guilt you feel of what you are doing to your family.

Then couple this with the fact people know you as that fun person, who is full of energy and great to be around. Then well meaning people tell you, that prayer is the answer, pray harder. Oh I forgot to mention, I am a member of clergy in the Church of England.

Well there is no easy or quick answer as I have discovered. My illness has cost me my job, as I was offered early retirement due to ill health – at 45rys old! I felt I was an embarrassment, which plunged me back into depression.

Not being able to attend my own church, I discovered a new community, via email and the internet. Renewing friendships, and deepening others. It is here that St Edmunds played an important part in my recovery. My wife and I have known Bob for a good number of years; unbeknown to him he helped us get together, and then took our Wedding! While exchanging prayer request emails, Bob invited me to come and talk at St Edmunds about my story, in coming to terms with having Bi Polar depression. This was to be the first time I had spoken in public in 2 years, and the 1st time I had spoken and shared my story of coming to terms with having a mental illness.

I discovered at St Edmunds that night a warm and welcoming group of folks, who encouraged me to continue the journey, and to explore my new ministry.

For me healing has come in many ways, perhaps the most important, is understanding who I am, and making sense of over the past 25yrs+. It has come through medication, counselling, art therapy, meditation and prayer! My view of Church has changed; it can be a very scattered community as well a close and intimate.

As I write this, I have started work as a part time Chaplain at a local hospital, I have been working as a volunteer over the past 10 months. So this has been a big personal step, and not all easy or plane sailing.

So even though I have only visited twice, once for Bob’s induction and once to Thursday night Church, St Edmund’s through its web site has played an important part in my journey.

Thanks, Paul.

 Dennis Shattel: We can put God on a shelf But God will never do the same to us.

Jeremiah 29:11 “I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you plans and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I have always had a faith since I was a young child; my family never attended church apart from weddings funerals and christenings. I remember watching the films at Christmas and Easter about “Jesus” I attended a local Baptist church Sunday school on and off from about the age of 6, the church would always run a “holiday Special” club for 1 week during the six weeks school holidays this would be based on Jesus but done in a fun and enjoyable way.I attended the Baptist Church on a regular basis joining the Boy’s Brigade and attend the Sunday Services. When I was about 14 years old, I remember one evening service where Jesus entered my live. At the end of the service the person doing the service said “That if there was anybody here wants to know more about Jesus and wants to invite Jesus into their lives to come to the front”
The feeling inside me was so over whelming I cannot begin to describe how I was feeling. Well before I knew it I found myself at the front being prayed for and asking Jesus to be a part of my live!

A couple of years later I decided to take my faith another step forward and was Baptised, and what a experience that was to step down into a pool of water stand there declare your faith in Christ, to go into the water to symbolised the dying with Christ and to come out of the water rising with Christ and being born again.I attended church and my love and faith in Jesus grew stronger. When I was about 23 years old I decided to put God on a shelf but I still loved God and had my faith but church life did not exist.
When I was about 32 I attended St Edmunds for a short while and allowed God back in my life for a little while and put God back onto the shelf.I have now been attending St Edmunds since October 2007 and allowing God to be a part of my life once again. Looking back over my life God has never stopped loving me; he has never put me on the shelf like I have done him! My faith in him is growing stronger and I know he as great plans for me, but it’s a matter of trusting in him and allowing him to have control.I have asked God to be the centre of my life and use me in his work, this is a big statement to make to God and when you put your trust in him he will use you in his plan. For some time I have been struggling with letting go and letting God have his way. I am now slowly letting him have his way, this is not going to be easy for me but here goes! I have a church family that is there for me and willing to support me.

I am on a journey with him and with many others, it is not always going to easy but I know that I am safe in God’s hands.
God will never ask of me something that I am not able to do without his help.

 Sharon has lived on Temple Hill all her life and has attended the local community school, been a member of the Brownies and the Guides and went to many a good disco in the Scout Hut on Marsh Street. Even when Sharon left school to go out into the big wide world she ended up working at the Wellcome Foundation on Temple Hill!! So all in all you could say Sharon is a Dartford girl and her heart is very much with the community.

Keith Elliott

I'm fed up with the pressure I've put on myself for the last 47 years trying to be what I think people expect me to be. I’ve avoided labelling myself ‘Christian’ because people make judgements about what that means, including fellow gay and lesbians towards who 'the Church' has become increasingly hostile. Whilst I've attended church on and off I’ve never found anywhere I've felt at home.

I went to Sunday school as a child and to a beach mission every summer in the holidays. I suppose you could say God has always been there in the background, ever since I prayed he would be one summer. However, the fun of singing, playing games and early morning bible study (anyone remember lamplighters?) followed by breakfast was lost as I got older; as life became harder. I studied Religious Studies at University; where I struggled with my sexuality. Both the Christian Union and GaySoc were difficult places to be; the tension was painful. I was baptised and confirmed whilst at Uni, but working life brought other pressures. And the Christians I did meet seemed much more disciplined and holy than me!

However, in the last year or so I've been challenged to look at myself and take control of events; and that's how I ended up at St Edmund's. I needed to find a church where I could be myself and found St Eds through Google. The last year hasn't been without its ups and downs, but support from my partner and the welcome and support of everyone at St Eds has been great (and just what I needed!). It may have taken some time but my real spiritual journey has begun. Celebrating the Eucharist at St Eds every Sunday is very special to me; space to stop, listen and share with others the Good News in an inclusive Church...the way Church ought to be. Thanks everyone!

Michael Drew

GET LOST!

Like many others I have had a long hard battle with the Church or even God; having had the Catholic guilt rammed down my throat every day and twice on Sunday for the entirety of my childhood, I rebelled with gusto.
As I watched my friends within the hospital ward die I could not help but fear what had they done that was so bad that God wanted to strike them dead?
 

As an angry teenager I quickly became an atheist, there is no God but I equally knew I was lost. I knew I needed to belong but could not reconcile my past experiences with that nagging feeling in my head.
So to cut a long story short I tried most religions and some more but then I found myself bankrupt and living on the street, begging for food. Thankfully the zeitgeist then held the homeless with some sympathy and it is with eternal love for those many unknown people that gave me money, food and even clothes that kept me alive in those first few months. It took about five months before I was found by the London City Mission and invited to get a meal and shower and then I knew my saviour. Still living on the street but with that meeting lead to other centres, most of which were Christian funded.
Now at last I knew what Christianity meant to me, actions not high alter words. These people exuded Christianity as I felt it.
Not that I am saying everyone must go out a hug a homeless man but do look at them as individuals not an illness, not all of them are drug addicts, yes they are often drunk but what would you do if you became homeless and everyone turns their back on you? They are people that have fallen through the strata of society, or even worse they are former service men that can no longer cope with society as we know it.
 

I was lost and now am found; is that the end of the story, of course not.
I am not the type of person that gets emotional (well not often) with my God, I cannot go with a prayer at the drop of a hat and most certainly will not offer a shopping list in my prayers. So how can I in my own sweet way, offer my trust to God; easy, get lost.
Like a lot of people I like to organise my life, so that is the answer, disorganise myself.
The other day I stepped out of my flat and caught the first bus going in which ever direction, and then another and another and another and at 5.30pm I am in Portsmouth (I was not murdered on route, in fact had several nice chats) walked around and found a B & B and booked in. You may find all that a little lightweight but it gives me the feeling of trust, I am in the hands of God – will I get home, will I have to sleep on the street, will I be murdered?
Early Jesus believers willingly died for their beliefs, when that went out of fashion people gave their lives as hermits which morphed into become a monk or nun. None of those appeal to me, I try my best to help others when I can, I say hello and welcome strangers and offer what help I can but is that just words, I can not say, so I get lost for my God. 
 

Laura’s Story

Why Jesus? I come from a long line of atheists and so admitting I believe in God came as a bit of a challenge. Experiencing God started at an early age for me. I went to a catholic school (only because it offered the best education) and so prayer and stories about Jesus were an everyday experience for me.

I remember when I was about nine or ten we had a phone call about my granddad. He was away on a family visit to Scotland when he had a serious heart attack and they weren’t sure he was going to survive. I remember praying to God and asking him to heal my granddad. It was a very powerful moment for me and I have always remembered it. My granddad did survive and returned to us. From that moment I believed that God existed in a childish way.

My story continues later as I approached adulthood. I was waiting to go to university when I heard what is often called a ‘small still voice’. I knew then that something was calling to me and the only point of reference I had was to knock on the door of the local convent and ask if they thought it could be Jesus. The lovely sensible nun that opened the door that day to me said I should continue to listen and explore this calling and that it would be a good idea if I didn’t run off to be with any mad sect or anything. I was completely taken aback but I took her advice and went off to university with an open mind. As soon as I got to university my first friend was a Christian. We got talking and she invited me to Christian union and I soon started to explore my faith. When i did finally accept god into my life I started to attend a Catholic church and I was able to be confirmed and that really cemented my faith journey.

My journey has really taken me through some rocky times. I am married with two beautiful but challenging children and I live a very comfortable life. I have a nice house, job, car, caravan and two very nutty Springer spaniels. On the outside we look a perfectly normal happy family. On the road to this we have had to overcome infertility, depression and breakdown. My husband suffered a serious breakdown not long after we adopted our sons’. The pressure of failed IVF and then gaining two children at once was a heavy burden to carry. I was very ill and depressed for a number of years and the stress of supporting me didn’t allow my husband to grieve. When we moved to be closer to my family my husband just cracked and he was ill for six months. I feel very blessed that Ian was healed so very quickly because most people never really fully recover from a breakdown. My husband is now very successful at what he does and he is happy and well and has learnt to manage his stress much more successfully. Only through God’s love and grace do I feel that this has been accomplished.

My eldest son has learning difficulties and behavioural problems and living with him is a daily challenge. Right now I am feeling the strain but even at this low ebb I know God has not abandoned me. I am catching little rays of light where God is ministering to my needs and this stops me from feeling like giving up. Life has been a challenge and at times the thought of plodding on makes me despair but on entering church , especially St Ed’s I feel God’s loving arms embrace me and give me hope for the future. Sharing my journey with my friends at church helps me greatly. What do they say ‘ a problem shared is a problem halved’. Today is just a blink in God’s eternal plan, whatever the future holds for me and my family we will not be alone. I pray that my story may be of use to you. Don’t give up continue on the journey of faith and we can be pilgrims on this journey together.

Pam Turley

My youngest son went in the army at 16 and at 19, in 2003, he went to war in Iraq. He was in the front line. This was a terrible time for me and my husband. My son's friend was killed and my son's tank was shot at. We did not hear from our son but we watched the news constantly.  I went to church to my son's church to pray. I can't explain, but there was nothing there - doesn't that sound awful?

I did not know where to turn to, so I decided to go to the school where the services of St Edmund's were being held while the new church was being built. I went and sat quietly, I closed my eyes, then I could hear the congregation: they were praying for my son. They did not know him, I guess they had read about him in the paper. But they were praying for my son. An overwhelming sense of peace filled me, I knew from that moment that my son would come home safe and I thanked God for the prayers that were being said. 

That same day I went home and put the sky news on. I watched it all the time, I still had not heard from my son - he couldn't get in touch, he was at war. 
As I watched the news I could see some soldiers being interviewed in Iraq. I recognised one boy. I said to my husband: 'Look, he looks like Leon's friend'. Next I knew, my son was being interviewed!! Yes, it was my Leon, he was safe, he was staring at me through the TV. God had answered my prayers yet again.

When the new church was built I started to become a regular, I wanted more. I went away on holiday, as always we would visit different churches. I was sitting here in this church, deep in thought, thinking about all sorts of things in my life. Of how I have always looked after other people, and how long I had looked after children: I have four children, two stepchildren, their ages ranged from 20 to 35. I was a child minder having looked after over 30 children over the years, I looked after my mum, my best friend when she was ill; I dressed her and washed her and made her look nice when she died as I did my mum. I looked after my husband as he looked after me, I was not in such good health myself and my doctor kept telling me to stop work, but I needed something to carry on, so I never gave up.  Then, sitting in this church it just came to me that there was a me and it was time for me now. There and then I decided to go back to St Edmund's, my roots, and do what God wanted me to do, whatever it was.